if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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