It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
