Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
