Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You dont lie about slip and slides
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
