I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
