I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
did i walk over a car last night?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
