This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
