R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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