her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
