I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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