What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
