I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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