After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
