She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
