We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
