I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have post one night stand depression
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
