I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
