i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
