maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
