Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
