this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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