Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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