1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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