What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
