She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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