and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
