Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face

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  (518): you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face http://tfl.nu/32pr
  Replies (24) Good night (3446) Bad night (699)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  3some

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You're right, stupid question.

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  (541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x
  Replies (21) Good night (10350) Bad night (1201)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this

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  (705): Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this http://tfl.nu/08vw
  Replies (40) Good night (1814) Bad night (6529)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.

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  (432): Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know. http://tfl.nu/dusl
  Replies (5) Good night (1333) Bad night (2830)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.

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  (215): And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird. http://tfl.nu/shu7
  Replies (5) Good night (975) Bad night (2433)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!

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  (708): Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player! http://tfl.nu/3jxt
  Replies (8) Good night (3565) Bad night (662)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.

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  (609): and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier. http://tfl.nu/u9m6
  Replies (15) Good night (3052) Bad night (961)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop

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  (609): You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop http://tfl.nu/nra3
  Replies (7) Good night (1012) Bad night (633)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.

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  (740): There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party. http://tfl.nu/ful4
  Replies (3) Good night (891) Bad night (302)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.

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  (832): And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking. http://tfl.nu/dun3
  Replies (3) Good night (696) Bad night (419)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on

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  (936): If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on http://tfl.nu/8phy
  Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (257)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto

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  (314): He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto http://tfl.nu/i261
  Replies (3) Good night (246) Bad night (577)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant

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  (217): yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant http://tfl.nu/oubr
  Replies (4) Good night (602) Bad night (301)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.

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  (417): I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low. http://tfl.nu/l7at
  Replies (4) Good night (187) Bad night (362)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."

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  (503): The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you." http://tfl.nu/ce1u
  Replies (3) Good night (495) Bad night (173)

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