He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
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So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that