She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky