So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.