I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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