Texts From Last Night

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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Why are you ignoring all of my texts?

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  The power was out.

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  (765): Why are you ignoring all of my texts? (1-765): The power was out. http://tfl.nu/9x7x
  Replies (17) Good night (1199) Bad night (4111)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...

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  (630): I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today... http://tfl.nu/hrqr
  Replies (22) Good night (2860) Bad night (505)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life

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  (817): they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/g989
  Replies (8) Good night (3270) Bad night (815)
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  (559): View more from California

  i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...

  (559): View more from California

  ...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!

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  (559): i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers... (559): ...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win! http://tfl.nu/147d
  Replies (29) Good night (6997) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb

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  (904): youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb http://tfl.nu/7q2n
  Replies (26) Good night (782) Bad night (5332)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.

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  (513): I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me. http://tfl.nu/k06t
  Replies (47) Good night (9734) Bad night (2046)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.

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  (613): Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/rte8
  Replies (1) Good night (2785) Bad night (989)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.

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  (706): He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation. http://tfl.nu/vr82
  Replies (18) Good night (724) Bad night (3219)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Breakfast tacos?

  (1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

  YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS

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  (832): Breakfast tacos? (1-832): YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS http://tfl.nu/haxw
  Replies (17) Good night (2889) Bad night (761)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'

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  (+44): Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!' http://tfl.nu/w3o8
  Replies (6) Good night (1921) Bad night (745)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.

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  (412): I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day. http://tfl.nu/3m26
  Replies (4) Good night (511) Bad night (739)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.

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  (865): God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter. http://tfl.nu/mtk4
  Replies (1) Good night (1074) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy

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  (515): i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy http://tfl.nu/58yw
  Replies (15) Good night (1323) Bad night (330)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.

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  (270): My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore. http://tfl.nu/ol80
  Replies (4) Good night (350) Bad night (963)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING

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  (317): Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING http://tfl.nu/f8zp
  Replies (6) Good night (899) Bad night (220)

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