I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
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Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"