Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
