I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
