First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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