it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
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2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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