he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
