But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
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I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
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Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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