i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
