when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
