Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
