I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
