How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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