Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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