I think I died a long time ago.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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