Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
