No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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