Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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