my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
