last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
