And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
