I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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