It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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