thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
