my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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