You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
