Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
