Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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