you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
