When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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