I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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