we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
