Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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