she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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