what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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