I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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