Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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