So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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