I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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