if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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