he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
