you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
