I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
