And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
