went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
