Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
