I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
