I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
