I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
